Stories of God Moments in my Life

Today April 24th, 2023, marks exactly 3 years since my Little Man died.

I want to start with this statement, I DON'T WANT TO TELL THIS STORY!

My Little Man was born in my bedroom on Black Friday! He was born to a mother who was the sweetest little girl. Still, she was not ready to be a mom and was unprepared to care for a baby with some complications.

Little Man had a deviated pallet that extended from the back of the upper plate in the roof of the mouth to his nose and lip. This made suckling difficult, if not impossible, for him. In addition, his skull was in two pieces, or at the least, his soft spot extended from the rear of his head to his eyebrows.

I looked at this Little helpless life with no hope of making it, and I determined I wouldn't let this life flicker out if he wanted to try! So I made a deal with him. I told him that as long as he had a fight, I would put everything I could into ensuring he had the opportunity to live.

The vet said he wouldn't make it, but I know from experience there are those of us who shouldn't have made it, but we have something that refuses to give up! Regardless of what is against us, we won't take NO for an answer! So, I bottle-fed him every two hours for almost a month! On day 3, I questioned my choice as I missed sleep, but my determination gave me tunnel vision. I must admit I can become so focused on something that I lose all consideration for anything until that task is completed. This type of focus can be a detriment, but it also is why I’m here today to tell you this story. I don't know how to quit!

He was a tiny little thing, no bigger than my thumb! He needed everything from feeding to cleaning. I was always in a panic! Was he warm enough? Was he ok? It seemed like I would check on him 100 times an hour. He became my all-consuming purpose!

You might be thinking I sound crazy to you, and you might be right, at least at that moment, but I know what it's like to have no hope, no help, and everyone telling you that you will not make it! So I, in some way, was caring for him, but I was really caring for the little broken child I saw in him. I was caring for myself in the way I needed when I was too weak and innocent.

If you don't know, I've never been blessed to have children, and this Little Man was perhaps as close as I'll ever know how it feels to feel like a father. I have been a stepdad for almost 15 years, but my stepkids either hated me or couldn't let me fill that role with them. That might be because they still had their biological dads in their lives.

As luck would have it, we had another dog who Littered about the same time. This momma could allow this little guy to socialize with a surrogate litter which was a massive help for me. She wouldn't abuse him, but there were times I found him off on the cold floor and her just tending to her own. But, unfortunately, isn't that often the case. We need life-saving help, and often, those who we look to for help get so caught up in their own affairs and cares that we become an afterthought.

Around the time all the little puppies were starting to run around and open their eyes, I noticed Little Man would often go in the wrong direction. If everyone went left, he went right and would suddenly stop as if to listen. You see, he was walleyed and deaf at this stage in his development. He would feel through the floor the vibrations and chase after them, trying to play and be part of the group. He was often the object of the fun when he was included. Seeing the others be mean to him would make me angry! "Doesn't God get angry when his children are abused by others?"

After about two weeks, his head grew enough to accommodate his brain, which I guess was pushing on his eyes and causing them to be walleyed. This is the only thing I could figure out because suddenly, he could see and hear normally one day.

Over a few years, he grew and played like the other dogs but picked up a few interesting habits. Of course, this is expected since I literally had become his daddy. One routine was every time he ate or drank. He would come to me and turn sideways so I could pick him up. See, he would come to me expecting I would pick him up. It was almost as if he would come boldly to his father with expectation. You see, he wanted me to hold him and pat his back so he could burp! Yep, you heard that right. My Little Man had it in his mind that his daddy would pick him up and burp him! Of course, this made me feel weird, burping a dog! But my wife got a kick out of it, and eventually, I did too. This was a way that I could share with him a special bond that let him know he was mine and I was his. Has your heavenly father shown you any unique little routines that let you know you are special to him?

If you can't tell, this story is about how I loved this little dog, but it's really about how God loved me through one of the most challenging seasons in my life!

It was April 2020. Covid was very rampant, and fear had gripped most of the country. My wife is an ER nurse in Hollister ca. Our Little Man had stage 4 kidney failure! His time was limited, and we were hoping and praying for a miracle.

During this time, I lost my position at my job; meager as it was, my wife had caught Covid and was put on home arrest as we had to quarantine together. How could this get any worse? But wouldn't you know it? God knows what we have need for. And He cares and says he will use what the enemy meant for evil and use it to our good! So you see, my wife and I being quarantined at this time allowed us to have this month to spend every day with our Little Man as he was going through this. It would've broken us if we had to leave him alone while we worked. Do you know he won't place more on you than you can bear? But its surprising what we can bear.

Every day, I would hold my Little Man and sing to him while we sat in the sun. He loved to sunbathe, and even though he wasn't drinking water, I knew it made him feel better.

This next part is difficult to write…. But I pray I can do it justice.

One day, while I was holding my Little Man and singing an altered version of Jesus Loves Me, I made up. A tiny, perfect little leaf fell from the sycamore tree we sat under. The sun was setting, and the light was beaming through the tiny little bugs alive and swimming through the air. The breeze was soft and almost non-existent. I was looking out and singing to my Little Man when I saw this leaf floating down. It drifted left and right and then landed gently upon my Little Man. I picked up the little leaf and saw it was perfect. It had all the characteristics of a full-size mature leaf but a quarter the size. Then I felt an overwhelming Love and recognition that God saw my pain and was hurting with me and for me. 

In the midst of this time, however, my wife and I struggled with our emotions and the pain of watching this Little Man of ours wither away! I would like to note that he never whined or whimpered one time! Not one time! It was almost as if when he was a little pup, I made a deal with him that as long as he was willing to fight, I would give him every opportunity I could! And he honored that until his last breath! He literally is my hero!

This next part is the hardest. I failed him! In the end, I faild my Little Man! I was on my way to get our little vices. You know, a little liquor to dull the pain and cigarettes! I was in the store, and I felt it! Put it down! The holy spirit was saying just put it down! But I was hurting and in pain. I said I need this right now, God! I just can't let this go amid the pain! The last month of the Vets and watching him suffer! Please, God! Don't ask this of me right now.

A few days later, Little Man died; he was in the middle of me and his momma in bed. We had both fallen asleep and while we were there, we weren't aware of the moment it happened. It was odd, almost as if we were made to sleep. We woke after about an hour of sleep to find he had passed. Before you think I am cruel for not putting him down, remember I promised him that as long as he was willing to fight, I wouldn't quit on him. I would reiterate he never whined, not once! And while I may have failed him, he never failed me!

There is something honorable and significant about walking out the process. We take too much liberty deciding when it's time for them, often because we don't want to see the process play out. We don't want to experience the pain and mask our burden with a moral high ground. We don't extend the same premature ending of human life as we do for animals. I've been down both routes, and each carries merit. It just happened that way in this case. I asked him if he wanted to go, and he never wined or whimpered. He wanted nothing more than to spend every moment in our arms.

The next morning we had to carry him to the crematory. It was a Friday around 11 A.M. It was not how we wanted to spend this day! The facility was closing early this day. They were closing around 2 P.M. As we were taking care of the arrangements, the fellow said hold on, ran into the other room, and came back, asking us if we wanted him back today. In a daze, we said sure, when should we come back? There were other jobs in front of us, but they would require more time than our Little Man, so we could get it done now.

As we were leaving the facility, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. He said,

"It was so important that he never spent one day without one of you by his side, and he never will!” This flat broke me when I heard him! I couldn't entirely rectify the emotions of feeling like I failed my Little Man and the pain of the loss, but when the spirit spoke, I was so filled with such Joy I felt like I should feel guilty, but I didn't. It is an odd emotional position, and it all happened between breaths. But, suddenly, I felt the Love and compassion of the father and how he made this experience personal to him and used it to show me that even in the midst, he is there and deeply cares!

I want to fill in this blank for you to explain why this moment was so important. In the almost 8 years Little Man was with us, he never spent one single night without one of us at his side or him at ours. We didn't take vacations without thinking of him. He was so attached to us that being apart or subjected to strangers sometimes caused him to experience such stress he would have seizures.

I want to encourage you. God is there in the moments when the inside is so loud you can't hear anything but your own heart beating in your ears. He is there when you feel your heart will burst because of the pain. He is always there, and he cares more than you know!

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To this day, I wonder. What would've happened if I had listened? In life, choosing God or choosing to live for something else is a choice each of us will make. And if I may, only one path comes with the added bonus of REGRET! And if you think about it, REGRET always pushes us to feel self-loathing, doubt, and lose our peace. REGRET is always the culprit. Did you sin against God? It's the REGRET that kills. Did you lose a Loved one? It's REGRET that we should've made more time but were too busy with whatever. Do you not have a life as successful as you'd hoped? It's REGRET for not taking the chance for something better, or REGRET we listened to the doubt that kept us from being our best. I've never heard anybody ever REGRET trying and failing. If anyone tried and failed and has REGRET, it's not truly REGRET; it's anger or blame on someone else or some outside circumstances that kept me from success, but it's not REGRET for trying!

Proverbs 18:14

"The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?"

Healing or raising the dead are pretty tough things to believe for. This kind of move of God is often one that, while it isn't based on our works, usually requires our submission and to live righteously before God. For His power to work through us, we need to be made into new creations. In a parable, Jesus tells of new wineskins vs, old wineskins; nobody puts new wine into old wineskins.

Matthew 9:16-17

“Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.”

If you put new wine in old skins, the new wine will cause the old skins to burst. So, in this way, Holiness and righteousness are the evidence of our new creation and our new skin allows us to receive new wine, which is Jesus and the Holy Spirit's authority. If we want to carry the authoritative power of the Holy Spirit, we need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and be a living sacrifice, presenting ourselves and our bodies as Holy Temples acceptable to God.

Faith without works is dead. We can have all the faith in the world, but without the anointing power of the Holy Spirit, we will at least be like a ship tossed about on rough waters, moving in spirit one day and beaten on others. Often God will honor our faith through one who is Holy and Righteous before God, such as a minister or other Godly person. Still, for you to access the true authority we are all meant to walk in; we must be made new in the image of Jesus and present ourselves as holy vessels to walk with that kind of anointing.

Romans 12:1

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service."

Sure, we fall, and we even may spend a season in our struggle as we are experiencing an exodus from the bondage we've been in for a long time, but that doesn't mean we say God will accept us in this broken state. We thank him for his mercy and patience with us, but we can't say he must condone it. Please understand I don't say this to condemn anyone. God is the one who convicts us to lay aside every yoke we are burdened with. We may often know 10 things God would disapprove of, but he may only address one or two things at a time. Don't confuse this lack of conviction in these other areas for him condoning that behavior. I would also say that God and the Holy Spirit know we struggle, and he knows we are weak. Don't beat yourself up for missing the mark. Instead, pick yourself up, tell God you Repent, and ask him to give you the strength to fight again! Not every battle will be won so quickly, but we continue to run our race as if to win a prize!

Proverbs 24:16

‘For a righteous man may fall seven times And rise again, But the wicked shall fall by calamity.”

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

“24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”

It’s a sunny day in Phoenix, az. I am a young man of  25 - 26, sitting outside of Maricopa County Hospital near Sky Harbor Airport. I’m waiting for Sandy to get off work, and I spot a clover patch in the skinny grass median between the parking lot and the sidewalk. I sit in the grass and think, “Wouldn’t it be great to find a four-leaf clover!”

I remembered a passage in scripture about how the men of the Old Testament would cast lots to determine the will of God in a matter. I thought to myself, who am I that I could ask such a thing? But I know God, and you are no respecter of person; what you have done for one, you will do for another. And I am another...I will try.

I sat there thinking, God..., If it is your will I marry Sandy, let me find a four-leaf clover! Not only will the clover be a treasure to me because I am Irish, but it will also be confirmation that I can believe for this marriage. Well, 15 or 20 minutes go by, and I don’t find the clover. Disappointed, I get up, she’s off work, and it’s time to head to the car.

When she gets to the car, she wants to go straight to Mesa, about 20 minutes up the road to a Goodwill...great, I thought, another trip to the Goodwill. The second-hand store of hand-me-downs nobody deemed valuable enough to keep. Little did I know how important this trip would be.

Before I go too much further, I want you to know something. My wife had been married twice before. So she was kind of like a second-hand wife, if you will. “Don’t tell her I said that!”

So anyway we went to the Goodwill. I thought it strange she didn’t want to go to the house to change first. She never wants to be out in public in her scrubs. Why the hurry? Well, 20 minutes later, we are in the Goodwill, and I feel drawn to the furthest corner of the store. I find myself in the corner of the store looking at shelves leading  into the corner and filled to the brim with knick-knacks...” junk I don’t need!”

As I’m standing there wondering what I’m doing there, something catches my attention, or a feeling to move closer to the stuff might be more accurate. I see this small metallic thing with a glass window as I roll over the items. I pick it up and inspect it to realize Holy crap! Oops, I mean, what the heck! It’s a four-leaf clover in a metal frame with a stand! But how can this be? Who would throw away something so precious as this? What idiot would lose this! It must’ve been a mistake! Then It dawns on me...I asked God for a four-leaf clover, but that was only about 45 minutes ago, and it was in the grass; how could this be...it couldn’t...could it?

After inspection, I noticed not only was this clover framed, but the frame wasn’t from any store; it looked homemade. The corners were crooked, the clasps were slightly off, and the glass was soldered. I thought, “This looks as if a carpenter made it.”

The moral of this story has many parts. I’ll let you see if anything resonates with you, but I know God not only showed me who he was that day, but he framed it! Because he could!

Judges 6: 36 - 38  -  Gideon lays out a fleece to determine God’s will.

“36 Then Gideon said to God, “If you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said, 37 behold, I am laying a fleece of wool on the threshing floor. If there is dew on the fleece alone, and it is dry on all the ground, then I shall know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you have said.” 38 And it was so. When he rose early next morning and squeezed the fleece, he wrung enough dew from the fleece to fill a bowl with water.”

Say or think what you will, but God is good.

Isaha 45:3

“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”

As always, friends, I hope this story has blessed you!

It was an ordinary day in Atmore al. The weather was that time of year when it would be hot one minute and cold the next! This time of year in the south, it gets cold and rainy in the morning, burning in the afternoon, and freezing at night. This phenomenon is why those from the south have a saying, “If you don’t like the weather, wait 15 minutes, it’ll change!”

 On this particular day, while my (soon-to-be wife) was out, she lost one of her earrings.

I was waiting at my wife’s house for her to return from her errands. When she got in, she was in a rush, as she often was.

When she came in, she was irritated and soon realized she had lost an earring. I don’t know what prompted my response, but after hearing her panic, I said I’d go find it. But, honestly, anything or anywhere would be better than staying in the middle of that turmoiled moment.

Where did you go? I asked. As she recited her list of stops, I felt panic set in. She said, “I went to the store, got gas, paid this bill, and went here and there. The list went on and on. I thought, how would I ever be able to find such a small thing in the whole town! But, I shook off the doubt and leaned into the task anyway; what else was I gonna do?

As I headed for my car, I thought, “God, if you still want us to get married, let me find this earing!” I know it seems like such a trite thing to ask you for. I know you have better things to do than help me find this trinket, but it sure would help if you could. So I said, “God, I know with you, all things are possible.” “God, I know that it is to your glory to conceal a thing but to the glory of men to seek it out.” So I went out and kept on thinking of any verses I could.

Proverbs 25:2

 “It is the glory of God to conceal a thing, but the honor of kings is to search out a matter.”

Her house is on a dead-end road, and the first stop was a gas station only a short drive from the house. The gas station was about a mile from the house. Before I could get to the station, I felt a strong impression instructing me to return. I got to the gas station and started to look, but again, I felt It, “go back to the house,” so I got back in the car and headed back.

As I got closer, I felt a strong pull that seemed to get stronger every moment. Finally, I got back in the kitchen. Since it had only been 15 minutes, Sandy was still in the bedroom, changing or doing whatever she was doing.

As I entered the back door and moved to the kitchen, I felt a sudden urge to stop. So, here I am, 15 minutes or so after this adventure began, and I’m back in the kitchen standing there, feet firmly planted where I was told to stop, and I’m thinking, what am I doing? I felt the urge to look to my side without changing direction from where I had been told to stop. Looking right, my eyes diverted straight to the gap between the counter and the fridge.

Then I saw something small and shiny between the counter and the refrigerator, in that small gap. As I stooped down to retrieve the item, I saw it was an earring. I thought, “There’s no way! This must be another earring.” So I hollard out to Sandy, “Hey,” she replied, In a snarky voice. “I thought you were going to find my earring?” I said, “I think I did!” Her reply was, “WHAT?” “It’s only been 15 minutes!” She looked at the small treasure in my hand, took it, and compared it to the other, and sure enough! It was the missing mate.

I told her I prayed and asked God to lead me to her earring if we were supposed to be together, married. She told me when I left to find the earing she was in the closet of her room asking God for the same confirmation! She asked God to let me find the earing while I was asking the same thing, at the same time!

Matthew 18:20

20 “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

I don’t have a fancy picture to post with this story, but no photo is needed for us!

That was almost 16 years ago, and we’ve been married for 15 years this November.

Judges 6:39   -   Gideon asked a second time.

“39 And Gideon said unto God, Let not thine anger be hot against me, and I will speak but this once: let me prove, I pray thee, but this once with the fleece; let it now be dry only upon the fleece, and upon all the ground let there be dew.”

I hope this message has blessed you!

This story takes place around 1999 in a little town in Northern California. The small city of Anderson is located about 70 miles from Mt Shasta. I was 21 years old and living in a small egg-shaped trailer in the backyard of my boss's house! And I was in a state of mind that kept me in a perpetual state of feeling like nothing I could do would equate to anything but failure. I mean, really, how could it get any more degrading than this?

I couldn't see past my self-loathing, hurt, and anger about how hard I had tried to get up in a few previous attempts to be successful. Failure after failure, I find myself in a worse place than before I really tried! What's the point of trying? I thought! It won't matter what I do! No matter how hard I tried to be the best, I couldn't find favor in two previous endeavors to which I had given my all! Don't get me wrong. I appreciate what I had and more so now, but at the time, I couldn't see anything but failure in everything I had tried and every aspect of my existence. Before I can go further, I need to back up, so you can catch up!

I grew up being thrown from family member to family member, but I never felt like a part of a family. Instead, I always felt like a burden someone had to endure. As a result, my whole life, I felt like an obligation rather than a valued member or one who had value. My value was cheap labor and, eventually, a means to someone else's ends.

(I felt like one day I would have to take care of people who didn't want me but invested in me so I would benefit them one day.)

Does this sound familiar to you? Perhaps you are in a similar state of existence. Have you ever felt unwanted and despised? Let me tell you the good news! This, too, shall pass! Amen!

Before, I found myself in a trailer behind my boss's house, and before trying to earn a better existence, I must explain why I felt nothing would ever improve.

My trauma was a perpetual gauntlet of beatings and ridicule from inside and outside the home. One day, I remember I got whipped because someone took my aunt's diabetic needles, and I was punished with a whipping to cover up someone else's theft. I was the scapegoat again! I was accused of selling needles at school in 9th grade! I guess high schoolers use needles?

I have 100 stories about my abused existence, but this isn't about my woes, but God's mercy on those who earnestly cry out for him and won't take anything less than an audience with him.

After the previous high school,  I found myself in a series of those continuation schools for troubled kids. I went to 7 different high schools and only attended 3 years. After moving so many times, I often had trouble acclimating to a new school because I knew I would move again, so why put in the work? I had done the same curriculum over and over. Each new school seemed to repeat the same curriculum the previous school had just taught. I couldn't keep repeating the same lessons, so I eventually dropped out. What was the point of continuing to go to school? The teachers often focused on the girls who needed help or the better-socialized kids.

Further, why keep going to a place that was hostile towards me out of class was worse. I often found myself in fights against 3 or more opponents at a time. I've never known a fair fight in my life.

At 17, I started a job traveling the country with an outfit called Palmetto Marketing out of Palmetto, Fl. This company would hire 40 or 50 young kids to go around the country and sell magazine subscriptions door to door. I was never really great at selling magazines. But I stayed because I needed a closed group environment to try and learn how to interact with others better than what I knew. The problem with this environment would keep us working 16 hrs a day and partying all night.

After becoming a candidate for promotion to manager, I found out I would be moved to another crew. I would start from scratch, as your current manager had to recommend you for promotion. So I quit that company after just over a year and a half. That is when I returned to Anderson and eventually met the picture man, Bob.

I spent about 3 years living in various wallers before finding myself in the backyard trailer, and that is where this story started. One day, while reading the Bible, I came across a verse in Proverbs. The verse is,

Proverbs 14:23

"In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty."  ----  For some reason, this verse enraged me!

I got so angry and, at the same time, was really trying to understand how this could possibly be true! I started grasping for the right words, God! My mind was racing. What was the right combination of words to gain an audience with him!? How could I ask or provoke him enough to get some kind of response? If the answer was fire and brimstone that would burn me up for being a petulant worm, I thought, so be it! That couldn't be any worse than living the existence I've suffered and saw no escape from at the time. We've all probably seen the movie, Forest Gump, In the scene where Lt. Dan is atop the ship mast screaming at the storm (God.) Did you secretly go back to a time when you did something similar? Did you feel a sense of kinship with the character at that moment? Guess what? You aren't alone!

In that little trailer in Anderson, Ca, God spoke to me! The presence was so heavy I had to sit under the presence of God! I was physically made to sit! Before you think I adopted Lt. Dan's mindset, In my anger, I said God, I know your ways aren't my ways. I know you are big and mighty, so before I speak too rashly, please forgive my...me...in this moment! Words were too complicated to articulate a good response to a being who created everything and could undo it with the snap of his fingers! But, God, I need to know because this looks to me like someone is lying!

"God, If there is profit in all labor, then explain how Im so broke? God, after all I've tried to do, after all the time invested in those companies, after everything, I'm worse off now than ever before!"

The presence was so strong, and everything disappeared in an instant. I was nowhere and yet still in the trailer. The only thing that existed in that moment was the voice of him. He said,

"I took your dream of always wanting to be a pilot, and I took the experience you gained from those companies and put the two together! Now shut up!"

Immediately I was stunned, and my perception shifted from a defeated mindset to a scared and optimistic one! I was so unraveled and remade in that moment that I couldn't believe how blind I was to what was right in front of me! I was so humbled I don't think I spoke to God again for quite some time. He didn't seem too pleased with me the last time we spoke.

Thank God his ways arnt like our ways. Thank God he has thoughts of good towards us and not thoughts to harm. How ignorant we can become! I become!

I went inside and told my boss, "I've made you a lot of money over the last few years. I've earned my gain, and my debt of knowledge has been paid. I have to go out on my own. The picture man was a little taken aback by my declaration. I didn't tell him, God said. I mean, how would that sound? What are you smoking wouldn't be an unreasonable response given my character at the time.

I was going to the bar on weekends, trying to find a girl, smoking weed, and mostly living inside my own head. I've never had friends I could talk to or hang with. My whole life has been an external existence through an internal lens, constantly feeling like an outsider.

The next day I made 1000 dollars in a few hours, and I wasn't without a means to feed myself from that moment forward. But now I have a new problem, what does building and success look like? Nobody in my family knew what a bank account, a  mortgage, or a car note was! I hadn't had anyone to teach me how to thrive in life. I never had anyone show me how to survive unless you count how to survive the dangers of living in a drug-infested environment surrounded by felons and all manner of evil.

That wasn't what I wanted!

I could dive into many aspects of my struggles, but I want to draw your attention to God and what he did and perhaps shed some light on why. Years later, the scripture revealed a truth to me. It was a revelation. All the most incredible men in the Bible argued with God at some point in their relationship. Abraham argued on more than one occasion, like when he reasoned with God for God to spare Sodom when Abraham was really concerned for his nephew Lot and his family. Abraham asked God to stay his hand of wrath if there be 50 righteous men there, and God agreed. Abraham continues, but what if there are 45, 40, 30, lord if there are 10 righteous men? Would you stay your hand? The story goes on, but the point here is that Abraham argued with God. You can read about this for yourself in Genesis 18.

Next, we all might know the story of Johna and how he was sent o minister to Ninivah and chose not to do what God had commanded him, and he was stuck in the belly of a whale for three days. You might not know after the King and all the people repented at Johnas message of rebuke and warning from God. Still, Johna was angry and went out of the city to watch the fireworks, but no fireworks came. God was gracious, and even in Johnas anger, God made a plant grow up to provide him shade for a day. This story is in Jonah: 4.

The pattern goes on and on. Moses, David, and even Peter all argued with God. They all had such an intimate relationship with God that they could argue with God and gain a deeper and more fulfilling relationship through the discord. This is not a suggestion that we should all pick fights with God, but rather an understanding that God calls us sons and daughters. What son or daughter has never had an argument with their father? I would say not one! Arguing isn't necessarily a sign of rebellion. Still, sometimes it's a deep desire to know him more and a pure desire to gain understanding. So saying God, I can't get this answer from anyone but you! I would warn that in reverence of who he is, but remember there is a passion in an argument. You can't just go conjuring up some trivial thing and take it before him expecting him to move and speak to you. This kind of argument is when no other person can be substituted. You have to have an audience with your father, and you push in boldly before the throne of God!

I will provide a few passages that explain this in a biblical context.

Hebrews 4:16

"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."

Mathew 11:21

"And from the days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force."

             (this passage helps us understand some press in and take the realm of heaven through their relentless pressing in.)

Luke 18

"18 And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;

2 Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man: 3 And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary. 4 And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man; 5 Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me. 6 And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith. 7 And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them?"

We all could use more intimacy with God, and he is willing to meet you right in the middle of your mess! I promise you. If you persist to the point that you say I don't care how long, God, I need you to meet me in this place! I need to know and understand anything, but I won't be moved until I get to you.

Some might think this is blasphemy but consider the woman with the issue of blood in

Luke 8: 43-48

"And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any, came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched."

Consider the story about the man who was crippled, and his friends wouldn't take no for an answer, so they tore the roof off the house Jesus was ministering at to lower him down. That seems pretty violent to me. Have you ever been willing to go to such extreme lengths?

Luke 5:17-20

17 On one of the days while Jesus was teaching, some proud religious law-keepers and teachers of the Law were sitting by Him. They had come from every town in the countries of Galilee and Judea and from Jerusalem. The power of the Lord was there to heal them. 18 Some men took a man who was not able to move his body to Jesus. He was carried on a bed. They looked for a way to take the man into the house where Jesus was. 19 But they could not find a way to take him in because of so many people. They made a hole in the roof over where Jesus stood. Then they let the bed with the sick man on it down before Jesus. 20 When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the man, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."

Please hear me. God wants us sometimes to have a violent faith that says I will gain your audience, God! I will get into your presence because nothing else will do!

I hope this has been a blessing to you! Thank you for allowing me the privilege of sharing it with you.

I was 25 or 26 years old. I was flying in a helicopter around the Phoenix area and shooting some Aerials for some customers. I was flying over one of those friendly gated neighborhoods looking for a customer’s house. As I looked down at all the McMansions, I noticed something. I was hit with a revelation, but before I get to the revelation, let’s take a moment to understand my station and where I was in life at this time.

Revelation often comes when we struggle with our identity in Christ or have some stinking thinking blocking our growth in some area of our spiritual growth. In Proverbs 25:2, I believe a passage clarifies this type of exchange with the Holy Spirit.

Proverbs 25:2

 “It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter.”

I was often broke while flying in a helicopter and doing my Aerial Photography business. I spent most of the month either in prayer, with my dogs, or at Main Street Billiards, shooting pool. I was ok on the table but never quite good enough to make it a career. I mainly spent time at Main Street because it was three blocks from my house, and I had a suspended license from California. I worked 3 or 4 days out of the month and spent the rest of my time trying to be good and not chase girls or get into other forms of trouble.

I had spent most of my life alone and without friends, so I tried to be around people without needing people to like me, and the pool hall offered friendly competition. I could keep the pleasantries to a minimum in this space, allowing me to be an observer. Since I was a bit of an odd duckling my whole life, this was the best solution to be around people without letting people see too much of the real me. In the Hall, I could let my skill on the table be the subject of conversation.

I made just enough money in those 3 or 4 days of work each month to cover the bills and have enough to live on for the rest of the month. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have survived if I had to spend 40+ hours a week around people. The provision God supplies are so unbelievably good sometimes! That said, I often couldn’t fully appreciate the solitude. Instead, I would cry out to God about my desperation and loneliness. “Why can’t I have friends? Why can’t I have Love? Why am I so rejected by anyone I try to get close to?

Social struggles have plagued me all my life. Since I was six, some family and psychologists told me I had a social disorder and trouble making friends. Funny how they always make it sound like it’s your fault when they diagnose you. They never get to a place of validation for why you don’t like or trust people. Often doctors don’t address the root of the issue and offer true healing from the damage trauma can cause us. Instead, my experience is that there is only one true healer, and his name is Jesus!

I disagreed with the prognosis. Even at 6, I could sense this was an inaccurate label or stigma. The doctors even labeled me epileptic and placed me on Phenobarbitol for three years. If you are unfamiliar with this medication, they took it off the market years later. It is still used in severe cases of epilepsy and for dogs. I was neither epileptic nor a dog. The zombie-like stooper the drugs put me in didn’t do anything to help my ability to make friends and didn’t address the imagined Epilepsy I didn’t have.

They said I would stare off into space and zone out. Humm, I wonder why? Maybe it’s because I was rejected. Perhaps my disconnect was due to being dropped on family members who didn’t want me. I could tell they didn’t want me, so they didn’t want to show me genuine affection or help me understand why my dad didn’t want me anymore. That might’ve had something to do with my choosing to zone out. I tried to tell them the problem, but in 1984 doctors and the grownups around me often didn’t care what the child thought.

I still carry the rejection of that stigma today, and God is always working on me about this. The conclusion I discovered through the Holy Spirit was this; “I have been set aside and isolated by God for a purpose.” This might seem ultra spiritual to some, but have you read my other stories?

Romans 8:28-30

“28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.”

To bring this back on point, consider those God has chosen were often set aside at a young age, even before their birth, to fulfill some purpose ordained by God. David spent years in isolation and was overlooked by his family, which we see when the prophet came to anoint the King of Israel. The prophet Samuel had to ask if these were all the sons since the oil refused to flow. David’s father said there was one more, but he is tending to the sheep. In other words, even his father couldn’t identify the anointing on his son and overlooked his value. Moses had God’s hand of protection on him from when he was born. He was saved from death and floated down the Nile River in a basket.

Exodus 2:3

‘And when she could not longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes, and daubed it with slime and with pitch, and put the child therein; and she laid it in the flags by the river’s brink.”

1 Samuel 16:11

“11 And Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all the young men here?” Then he said, “There remains yet the youngest, and there he is, keeping the sheep.”

Im not saying God has had his hand on me since I was born, but I’ve always seen things differently, and I’ve never been able to find anywhere I truly fit in. This isolation has given me much time to wrestle with God about many things. I would like to add this little revelation here. Most of the great men in the Bible, such as Abraham, Moses, Jacob, Peter, and Paul, had a great intimacy with God. These men were intimate enough with God that they, at some point, argued with or reasoned with God in areas they didn’t agree with or didn’t understand. We may dive deeper into that in another story, but wrestling with God seems to require one to do so from a place that genuinely concerns others, not so much for self.

As I was flying over these McMansions, I often wondered how do I  get to a place where I could be financially sound like these people. I noticed all the front yards were well-manicured and pleasant. Still, many backyards looked trashy and overgrown with weeds and even tarps covering old piles of junk. The contrast was the stark opposite of what the front looked like. When I noticed this contrast, God quickened something in my spirit.

God wasn’t chastising me or anything super profound other than to have a conversation with me in a moment. I was curious, and God the Father, being the Loving father he is, wanted to bestow upon me wisdom. I was feeling less than, and though I wasn’t coveting my neighbor, I longed to know what it might be like to have the big house with the nice cars and be able to walk in those circles. What might that be like?

 “People go around projecting themselves with paper mache masks that make them look better than they are to the world. But, God further said, just as easily as you can see into their backyard and see the difference in how the front yard looks clean and well ordered. In contrast, the backyard looks full of trash and disorder; I can see into the hearts of men. I see the trash people have in their hearts!”

I believe God spoke to me at this moment. I believe I had noticed and thought, how could you have so much and still have a trashy mentality. The backyards were so ugly it made me sad and a little angry. I saw this as an ungrateful child who had everything anyone could want and just didn’t take care of what they had.

Consider this story the next time you find yourself in a plane looking down at all the little buildings, cars, and people. How easily we can see just by reaching an elevation higher than the busyness below, scripture tells us that His ways are higher than our ways. He sees with such ease that it takes nothing more than for him to gaze in someone’s direction for him to see all the hidden junk in our hearts.

Have you ever wondered, “How could you love someone like me, God?” Didn’t you see where I was last night? Don’t you know what I’ve done? As effortlessly as you can see the trash from the airplane window. He sees the garbage you are so concerned about will disqualify you from his Love, mercy, and saving grace. This couldn’t be further from the truth!

As always, I hope this story has blessed you! 

When I was about 18, I met a man who knocked on my door, Bob McBroom, AKA the “Picture Man.” He was giving away a free portrait of you and putting it on a Christian calendar! He was a commanding little fellow with a face that reminded me of Santa Clause. I said I don’t have any money. I couldn’t pay you if I wanted to. He said no problem! It’s free! We come to the house and take your picture, and we put one shot on a Christian Calendar, “which was just some card stock with the year’s months printed on it. Then, of course, he asked if my mom was home and all the basic digging questions; I mean, he was trying to sell some pictures at the end of the day, and often people say I don’t have any money! But I hadn’t eaten much in a week because I had no food. I was so hungry I literally couldn’t pay attention.

I had just spent the last year selling magazines door to door. In fact, that was the only skill I had learned at this point in my life! And God sent provision to my door, but that is another story. I thought I could give away some free pictures! Hey, picture dude, you couldn’t use a good door knocker, could you? I admit he was skeptical but gave me a try. On the first day on the job, I booked a street in Anderson, ca, called Pinion Ave. According to the picture man, I booked more customers on that street than anyone, including himself. In all his years of doing this, I broke his record on my first day out! Truth be told, I think he was amazed, intrigued, and slightly defeated by my breaking his record.

I often think of that. It might be because even 20 years later, Bob would rib me with a story about some guy that worked for him. He would tell how he booked more appointments than anyone else on this street as if he was talking of some hero or legend in the picture booking game. It was so fun to watch him tell this story. He did so as if he was telling the most unbelievable tale, almost like telling an exciting story to a child!

Now here’s where the story gets interesting. My mom and her two brothers were adopted from a local family when they were young. Law enforcement found them alone in a house after a week of no supervision. They were around 2,3 and 5 years of age when they were discovered. The oldest was trying to cut a slice of bread for the younger ones to eat.

The family that had adopted my mom and her brothers had extended family in the area. Still, I wasn’t part of the family, so many connections never happened for me. After working for the picture man for a short time, I found out the picture man’s wife was a cousin I hadn’t ever met before. God truly works in mysterious ways!

I must pause here to tell you I started this little story thinking I was writing about another story. I realized I was writing something different than I had intended. I must’ve needed to remember this story right now.

That’s how these things work, “at least for me.” They testify to others about God’s Grace and Goodness and testify to ourselves so we can remember when God moved on our behalf. Moments in our past give us the strength to conquer new levels later. Joyce Meyer has a saying, “New level, new devil!” But this type of leveling up is more like with every mountain summit; there is a new base and a new mountain to climb. Jordan Peterson says, “We are made to walk uphill.” That’s funny because my whole life has been an uphill battle.

I spent a few years working with the picture man and his family. Then, when I was about 20, he transitioned from portraits to aerial photography, and things started to get really interesting. But that is another story I’ve titled, “God said, now shut up!” So, before we get there, let’s finish this story.

I want you to see a few things. First, I was broke and hungry, fixing to be on the street! And my one and only learned skillset opened the door to provision and blessings in the nick of time. The man’s wife was a cousin I had never met before, and I had no other options. Had he not knocked on my door, had I not pursued this opportunity, I seriously might not be here today!

God is a way-maker! I can honestly say that had it not been for the grace of God, I wouldn’t be here today! I am reminded of a scripture that embodies this moment for me. The scripture that comes to mind is,

Genesis 50:20

 “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive as they are today.”

In my experience, when God moves on our behalf, it probably won’t look how you think it should. But, looking back, you see it was a perfect fit for your unique situation. The custom fit shows us that it had to be God. This becomes evident because the puzzle piece was so uniquely unique there is no way it could’ve just been by chance.

Here are some verses that helped me to understand, in hindsight, what God was doing for me here.

Luke 11:11-13

‘11 If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? 12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?”

God knows what we need, and if you are in between a rock and a hard place like I was, this is often when God likes to show us who he is. God is glorified in this place because we find it too difficult or coincidental when the provision comes for us to take credit or give credit to some other outside source. In these times, we should expect God to show himself to us as a father who cares for and watches over his children with great zeal.

Isaiah 55:8

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.

When we experience these moments that give us a glimpse of God’s heart, we will afterward look back and see that the solution wouldn’t have been one we willingly would’ve chosen for ourselves. But, in these moments, we usually see that the solution was better than we could’ve manufactured. If we had the control we often long for, we simply lack the foresight to wield it correctly. 

Proverbs 18:16

“A man’s gift makes room for him, And brings him before great men.”

2 Corinthians 5:7

“We walk by faith not by sight!”

Mark 16:17-18

“And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”

I hope this story has blessed you today!